


It's a Magic, Magic, Magic, Magic World

by tasimon



Category: Homestuck, Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-17
Packaged: 2018-07-15 13:00:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7223317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tasimon/pseuds/tasimon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After breaking 'the curse' Emma sets off another chain of events that cause a magical 'sexual revolution' among the town.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's a Magic, Magic, Magic, Magic World

            Once upon a time... there was a town known as Storybrooke. It was a quaint town, seemingly separate from the harshness of the outside world, but not without the occasional harshness of its own. Though, overall, with its happy inhabitants playing their part, everyone and everything in this town was quite fine.  
            To call this place 'the stuff of fairy tales' would make all of its residents laugh in unblinking unison. And to make this seemingly perfect town seem even more perfect, it was spring; the season of love, and love, dear reader, was certainly in the air. It moved like a gentle wind that refreshes your very soul on a particularly warm day and, on this day, love was in full effect... down at the police station.  
            It was noon, signified by the clock tower chiming the appropriate number of bells. That may seem unusual to point out this common occurrence, but just a year or so ago this town's tower was thought to be broken, but in truth time had stood still until it was unfrozen by the savior. After the savior had broken the curse, each and every member of the town, still invisible to the rest of the world, was able to live their lives as freely, and without shame, as they wanted. But, when the savior kissed their true love, a wave had gone over them all and it awakened the darkest and deepest desires in everyone. Most things that they didn't even know were in them. The townsfolk refereed to this time after "The Curse" as "The Sexual Revolution." But getting back to said savior, that's exactly where our story begins, or rather, continues in the quiet SBPD which is soon to be not so quiet...  
            Behind her desk, Emma Swann, the foretold of savior, was perusing the newspaper as she awaited her lunchtime companion. The wait, however, was not too long, for moments later in walked Madame Mayor, herself, Regina Mills. On the outside, the two were complete opposites, as different as night and day, but let the truth be known that they had two things in common: They shared the same son, for whom they both cared for dearly, and the second; an unquenchable lust for each others nethers.  
            Regina was the first to speak up. “Ready for lunch, Ms Swan?" she asked her lover, with whom she was very familiar with.  
            “Regina," Emma began, "It’s been over a year, now, when are you going to quit with this 'Ms Swan' business?"  
            ”As mayor of this town-" Regina began, always one to get into a fluster when her authority was questioned. "I will not tolerate such insolence and direct disregard of my authority, _Ms Swan!_ "  
            “Here," she reached the upset mayor a Snickers bar, "You're always not quite yourself when you're hungry."  
            Regina sat it on the table. "Thanks, but no thanks. For you see, today, I'm hungry for something with a bit more... flavor."  
            “Grilled cheese at Granny's?" Emma asked.  
            “No, Ms. Swan," Regina hiked her leg up positioning her foot on the arm of the chair and leaned down to meet her lover's gaze. Butterflies grew in her stomach and a dull blush adorned her cheeks as she moved closer to her, but the blood that had risen to her face quickly rushed below her waist, leaving her brain in the process. "Today... I want some pussy snacks."  
            “Well, Scooby Dooby Doo!" Emma replied, seductively.  
            “Scooby Dooby what?! What is that?" Regina questioned, in outrage.  
            “He’s a… cartoon dog. He ate snacks that were named after himself." Emma explained to her confused girlfriend.  
            “I don't have the faintest idea what you're going on about!" She told Emma in a huff, crossing her arms.  
            “It’s okay, Regina. I often forget how you've been stuck in time for almost 30 years." Emma reassured her reason for waking up in the morning.  
            "I'm sorry, Emma... I lied." Regina admitted. "I know exactly who that mystery solving hound is."  
            Emma held Regina's hand, and looked at her girlfriend, whose head was dropped. She was clearly sorry. "I have a hard time trusting people, Regina, so it really means a lot; you telling me the truth about your lying."  
            Regina lifted her head to lock eyes with her significant other. "It does?"  
            Emma grabbed her chin, never breaking their stare. "Totally. Now, for your reward." And with that, she leaned back and propped one leg on the desk, while positioning the other ankle on a nearby short filing cabinet. "It's time for lunch."  
            "Ret's ret started!" Regina replied provocatively in acceptance of her meal.  
            A shiver ran down Emma's spine "Mmmm, talk Scooby to me!"  
            Regina used her magic to poof away Emma's pants in a swirl of maroon smoke. Finally, the moment she had been thinking about all morning was about to begin. Getting in position, she inhaled deeply, pushing her breasts out as if she were soon to begin some ritualistic mating dance. A song abruptly overtook the silence in the sheriff’s station: 'I'm So Fancyyyy.' It was Regina's phone ringtone, 'Fancy' by Iggy Izalea.  
            Regina ignored it and Emma was the first to speak up, "Shouldn't you answer that?'  
            Regina shushed her "No, no... let it play... mama's hungry and this is my fuck jam" She started in her usual way, by gently tapping it, repeatedly, with the palm of her hand, as if she were trying to get a tomato stain out of a white blouse. Her efforts were rewarded in the usual fashion; her beloved’s welcomed moans and her usual request to 'talk into it'. Regina buried her face directly into her meal; her nose pressed firmly against her lover’s clit, and her mouth pressed tightly against the wet opening.  
            With spring time comes love and rebirth, and unfortunately for the effected Regina; allergies. This time of year, the police station was particularly dusty, causing Regina to sneeze directly into her fleshy face mask. "PPPPPBBBBBTT!"  
            The police department's silence was shattered with the loud sound of rippling skin and Emma's labia flapping like the wings of a stingray.  
            Emma let out a sigh. "Again?"  
            "I told you the station was getting too dusty!" Regina retorted, inhaling the snot created from the ruination of her lunchtime. "Well, my appetite is gone."  
            "Not mine," Emma interjected. "We still need to meet Henry at Granny's, and I've been day dreaming of grilled cheese all morning."  
            "I just don't understand," Regina began, standing and adjusting her hair with her hand. "Why don't you just make it yourself, instead of always paying five dollars a sandwich?"  
            Emma bounced her shoulders up and down, leaning into Regina, talking in a sing-song voice, and rubbing her fingers together. "Cause I got that Mayor money."  
            "I swear, it sometimes feels like I have two kids." Regina joked, flipping her hair to the side with a whip of her head. "Either way, let's go eat with our son."  
            That was when Emma noticed the clock. "Jinkies!" Emma blurted out in a panic. "We were supposed to leave to meet Henry ten minutes ago!" The two ran to the squad car and Emma put on the siren. Tires screeching, they left the station hitting it to 80mph in seconds, on their way to Granny's. The song Super Sonic Racing was playing in the background, as if it were a TV show.  
            Regina held on to the 'oh shit' handle, laughing and peeing a little in hysterics. "Hahaha slowdown!"  
            Emma spoke, as if in a trance, eyes fixated on the road. "Can't... be late! Must... meet Henry!"  
            Flying down the street, they were soon to pass Jiminy who walked along the sidewalk and gave a friendly wave to the familiar black and white cruiser. "Hello, EmmaAAAA!" The car taking his arm in the process.  
            Regina used her magic to poof away the arm embedded in the windshield, leaving a bloody, shattered hole gusting in wind that strewn about glass fragments and tousled her hair in every direction, giving her the appearance of a raven haired Medusa.  
            Emma suddenly realized she would soon pass Granny's in a matter of seconds so, thinking quickly, she grabbed the emergency break and Tokyo Drifted into the front parking space of the restaurant, launching Regina through the air via the passenger side window. Chaotically tumbling through the air, like an American football that had just been thrown by a nerd, Madame Mayor crashed through the wooden front door of Granny's, shattering it in an explosion of wood chunks and assorted screws and metal hinges, the doorknob hitting a customer right in the face. Spinning full-bodied across the floor, she accidentally used the sleeping Pongo as a ramp, flying a few feet into the air, only being stopped when she splatted against the wall, which she then slid down and into a seated booth below. A perfect landing.  
            As the restaurant, filled to capacity, looked on, she sat upright, her hair and attire a bloody disaster. She lifted her visibly broken arm, as the bones crunched under the weight of her lifted hand, and with a snap of her fingers, she magically looked as pampered as she had been just a few moments ago. Granny came over, wearing her usual V-shades and black tank top, to take her order.  
            Though many people had had a sexual awakening, Granny had a spiritual one, as she was what the public referred to as ‘fiction kin’, that is to say Granny, who now went as G-Stri, was Drik Strider-kin. Unfortunately, as for most fiction kin, she wasn’t very good at it.  
            “Yo, mayor, you look nice today.” G-Stri said, cool as can be.  
            "So fresh, so clean." Regina replied.  
            "What can I get ya?" She informally asked, notepad and pencil in hand, the pencil, by the way, was a katana shaped letter opener, that didn’t actually write.  
            "The usual G-Stri; Tuna and onions for me. Whole. No sandwich. And as for Henry and Emma... wait, where's Henry?" Regina questioned, looking around.  
            "Oh.” G-Stri would have seemed surprised, if he were one to ever break his cool. Which he wasn’t. "Henry just left. It’s totally whack that he didn’t tell you, dog.”  
            "HENRY?!" Emma walked through the gaping entrance where a door once stood. "MAMA'S HERE, BABY!"  
            "Yeah, she is!" Regina said at full volume before standing to answer her. "He's not here Emma. We just missed him."  
            "No. You're lying. I have a super power." Emma bluntly said on all fours, looking under customers booths.  
            "You're not even looking at me," Regina sighed, her arms crossed.  
            Emma stood and looked at Regina for only a fraction of a second as her eyes scanned the restaurant for her child. "There, I looked... Okay, okay, you're not lying. Maybe mom knows where he is." Emma pulled out her cell and dialed Mary Margaret's number, to no answer. She snapped her phone shut. "She's not answering. Let's hop in the car and go to their apartment."  
            Regina protested, "I think I'll just poof myself over, this time."  
            "Suit yourself," Emma replied, already walking out the doorless entrance.  
            "Do you still want your food, yo?" G-Stri asked, plate in hand.  
            "Uhhh..." Regina pointed behind the server. "Look over there!" Being too cool for that shit, G-Stri just stood there as Regina turned into a swirl of mauve smoke, disappearing from the establishment. G-Stri, who wasn’t even bothered by it, cooly said in a monotone voice. “I’m too fucking cool for this shit.” Then kick flipped back into the kitchen.  
             Regina reappeared at the door of Emma's parent’s apartment. Emma was already there, waiting, "What took you so long?" She knocked on the door. No response. She knocked again and still none.  
            "Wait," Regina interjected while physically stopping her girlfriend's fist from knocking again. "You used to live here, before moving in with me. Don't you have a key?"  
            "That's an oddly specific bit of common knowledge to point out," Emma told her lover. "But, no, I don't. I gave it to them for their privacy. But, I have better idea, anyways." Emma backed up a few feet from the door and pulled out her revolver, pointing it at the doorknob. Without protest, Regina stepped about a foot behind the sheriff and held her ears as Emma began her count down. "One... two..."  
            Before she could get to three, the knob unlocked, twisted, and the door opened up to reveal Mary Margaret, or as she was once known as: Snow White. She stood in the door wearing just a short apron poorly concealing a strap-on from underneath. She clapped her hands together, excited to see them. "Oh! Emma and Madam Mayor, what a surprise! What can I do for the both of you?"  
            "Wearing Excalibur, I see." Emma pointed out, referring to her mother's favorite toy. Regina was unfazed.  
            "Yes, just enjoying some downtime with your father. Come in, come in!" Snow waved them in, allowing them to walk before her, shutting the door behind them. They walked past the threshold hold and sat at the kitchen counter a few feet from Emma's father David, once known as Prince Charming.  
            "Emma! Great to see you, as well as you Madame Mayor." David greeted them. He was wearing chaps - assless - chain-connected nipple clamps, running mascara and a left black eye; all while being mounted to a 7 foot tall, black, wooden X-shaped structure. This was not an uncommon sight in the apartment of Storybrooke’s number one power couple.  
            Snow brought over a tray of freshly brewed tea and a tea set, and sat it down in front of her guests. "So, what brings you over?"  
            "It's Henry," Emma said, between sips of Earl Grey. "We were supposed to meet at Granny’s for lunch but he took off before we could make it in time."  
            "Henry stopped by earli-AHHH!" David had begun to answer her only to be silenced by Snow splashing her cup of tea on his face and torso."  
            "Know your place!" She barked at her husband, pouring herself another cup. "Emma was asking _her mother._ "  
            "God, I love you." David panted out through the pain, his skin quickly reddening.  
            "I KNOW, BITCH!" Snow turned and punched him in the face, causing his left mostril to bleed. "Now, shut the fuck up!"  
            Regina leaned into Emma to tell her something, though she spoke at her normal volume. "Is it horny in here, or is it just me?"  
            "Henry had called earlier and asked where he could find the most valuable treasure in Storybrooke" Snow White informed Storybrooke’s number two power couple. "The question didn't make much sense to me, but I told him the best individual to discuss matters such as that would be Maleficient and her daughter. Dragons know all about treasure, you know?"  
            "Greaaaat..." Regina said, very sarcastically. I mean, wow, that was grade A sarcasm right there.  
            "When are you two going to get over your past beef, babe?" Emma asked her boo. "She’s changed. We all have."  
            "Sorry, Emma, but Malificunt and I haven’t exactly been bff’s throughout our years." Regina reminded her gal pal. "In fact, one could say she’s been quite-"  
            "A cunt." Everyone in the room sighed all at once. "We know."  
            "Well, excu-" Regina started, only to be interrupted again.  
            "-cuse me, that furry is a grade A bitch." Everyone, all together again, rolled their eyes collectively, reciting the line as if they had rehearsed it.  
            "Well, sorry for having an opinion!" Regina exclaimed, throwing her arms up in a tantric manner as if she was psychotically flipping multiple invisible pizza doughs.  
            Emma took the teapot and downed the rest of it from the spigot, which took longer than expected, as the others looked on. She slammed it down, burped and grabbed the keys from her pocket. "Well, don't worry Regina; I'll do all the talking. You can stay in the car."  
            Regina let out a loud 5 second sigh "Fine!"  
            Emma hugged and kissed her parents good bye and left the apartment, the loud sound of hand on skin contact echoing behind them. They went downstairs and got into the car and drove the speed limit towards the edge of the forest where Malicifcent could be found. They pulled up and Emma shut the car off.  
            Emma took the keys out and stood outside of the car "I'll be right back. If Henry isn't here, we can't be far behind him. Don't you stop being adorable while I'm gone!"  
            Regina rolled her eyes, though she smiled. "You're so Malchik Gay."  
            "Only for you, you fucking skank." Emma said, reaching in and punching her in the arm.  
            "You're such a sap... Oh! Leave the keys!" Regina reached out and took them. "I wanna listen to music." She turned on the disc player, blaring Cannibal Corpse.  
            Emma gave a little laugh, shaking her head. "Oh, you and your murder music!" She shut the door and started her walk towards the cave where Malificent and her daughter resided.  
Once Emma was out of sight, Regina took out the cd and put in a new one. The repetitive 'Baby, Baby, Baby' filled the car as Regina curled up in her seat. "Oh Justin... what happened to you?" Her wait wasn't too long before she saw Emma coming back through the trees. She switched discs and pretended to sing, mouthing random words through the window at Emma.  Emma opened the door and got inside, closing the door behind her.  
Regina shut the radio off. "So, what happened?"  
            "He was there, but had left awhile ago. They were kind enough to take time from pussy-shitting eggs into each other's birth holes to tell me that they suggested Henry go find Gold; the person, not the metal." Emma's face scrunched up as she recounted the conversation. "Regardless, I think I know what you mean about Malifibitch, now..."  
            "What do you mean?" Regina questioned her visibly upset girlfriend.  
            "Maleficient and her daughter? They were incesting the fuck out of each other, Regina!" Emma shivered; a chill going down her spine. "That's just not my bag, baby."  
            Regina let out a robust, throaty laugh. "Oh, Emma... sweet, sweet naive Emma. No matter how smart you are, you always seem to be a little stupid." She placed her hand on her cheek and patted it. "I know you grew up in what you would call 'civilized society' where social standards are forced upon you, but in Storybrooke, we all grew up in the middle ages. Incest to us ain't no thang."  
            "But... it's just so... weird." Emma said, shaking from both heebees and jeebees.  
            "It's such a normal occurrence here!" Regina exclaimed to her. "Why, Henry knocks around my tits all the time!"  
            "He DOES?!" Emma interrobanged , mouth dropping from shock.  
            "Sure! Shall I show you a memory of mine?" Regina asked her, offering to show her a power that was unbeknownst to anyone at this stage of her life.  
            "Yeah, okay." Emma responded, seemingly bored by this new discovery.  
            Regina motioned her hand in an upward swirling motion and a swirl of electric blue smoke formed around the two of them, taking them to a memory from inside Regina's mind. When the cloud had faded the two were standing inside the closed front door of the mayoral office. Behind her over-sized desk sat a topless Regina, and in her lap; Henry, who was violently bouncing around her breasts as if he were hardcore juggling, but since they were attached, they were just bruising.  
            "See?" Regina asked, presenting the scene.  
            Emma watched on. "Neat." Then as quickly as they had appeared, they disapparated back out of existence and back into the police car.  
            After reliving one of her fond memories in person, Regina was feeling a bit antsy. Her panties were as ripe as the apples on the tree in the front yard of her office, and she couldn’t contain herself any longer. Driving down the street to their next destination she asked if they could stop at her office for a quick pit stop. Emma accepted and took the proper turns to make it to the mayoral building.  
            Once there, Emma asked her if she had forgotten something and she denied it, though asked her to take her next request very seriously. Taking her hand, Regina stared deeply at the woman of her desires. She was already as close as anyone could be with her, spiritually; emotionally. Physically, they had been as close as any two individuals could be, but she longed for more. She thought to herself, if only I could shrink down and crawl inside her vagina, and just... live there until I died, or something. Then she realized the solution... Magic!  
            "Emma... I have an idea." She explained her feelings of longing and her overall thought process to Emma, who agreed with her plan, without hesitation. They exited the car and entered the official building and made their way to the main office. Regina asked her to grab her work out clothes and Emma went to the closet where they were stored.  
            The golden haired goddess – Regina’s words, not mine - slipped into her 80's styled attire; pastel pink spandex tights, a minty teal leotard, and hot orange head and wristbands. She also grabbed her Thighmaster and Regina wiggled her finger above herself, magically shrinking down to an insect’s height. Emma spread her legs, carefully picked Regina up, and placed her at the cut out crotch opening of her sacred cave.  
            Regina took it upon herself to pull back the meat curtains of passion and stepped inside of the moist opening. Though hard to get her footing at first, she quickly became accustomed to the soft flesh beneath her feet. It was perfect... And yet, it could be more so.  
            Emma grabbed the exercise equipment and put it between her thighs, squeezing her legs to hold it in place. Now, it was time for the real fun to begin. Emma began opening and closing her legs against the device, causing her lower cavity to simulate a chewing motion. Against her will, Regina was moved about and repeatedly squished by the soft pink walls. She was in heaven.           
            She was getting a bit too excited, and since emotions affect magic, she began to grow, though only slightly. Emma, at this point, was forced to start kegeling Regina to a new state of ecstasy. Regina, wanting to return the favor, started thrashing her limbs about, kicking and punching the inner walls of her wet tomb like she was in the middle of a mosh pit, and winning.  
            Her internal attack had become too much stimuli for Emma and her walls convulsed as she began to climax, with Regina not too far behind her. The miniature mayor shot out like a ping pong ball and slid across the floor, leaving a slug-like sticky trail behind her. After a bit of resting, and much panting, she grew back to her original size, hair a mess, pointing in many directions, and clothing askew and damp.  
            She got up to kiss her beloved. “Thank you... I needed that.”  
            “I didn’t realize how much I needed it, too,” Emma admitted. “Now… let’s go find our son.” And they held each other’s hand as they merrily skipped out of the office, feeling rejuvenated.  
            They made their way back to the town. Driving down the street, each parent looked at their own side of the sidewalk in search for Henry or Mr. Gold as they went. They passed many of the typical townspeople as they drove. The most noticeable, or rather, the easiest to spot were the seven dwarves, who were always together in their pack.  
            They marched along in a line; never had they been closer, each of them finding themselves and changing their names after the Sexual Revolution began. There was Hunky, Feedie, Chokey, Stinky, Kinky, Spanky, and Puke. No one judged them or ever pointed out the fact that one of them was named Puke, regardless of how nonsensical it was. 'Good morning, Puke!' one might say, starting their day as they passed one another. But that was it.  
            Driving slowly down the long stretch of road, they stopped the car and sat in the middle of the street and watched when they eventually found StoryBrooke's third hottest couple; The suave and debonair Captain Killian Hook and, always by his side, the diaper wearing Rumplestiltskin, or as he was known as around these parts, Mr. Gold. The two, always seen together, never separated. They spent so much time together, in fact, that often Gold's shop wasn't even open most days, deciding to spent time with his 'twu wuv'.  
            Hook was never seen on the streets without his full attire. The boots, the coat, the eyeliner, a fine ensemble fit for a pirate captain. Gold, however, was like his lover's opposite. The grown man stood proudly only in a bonnet, diaper, booties, and 24karat gold nipple rings. On any given day the two were found on any sidewalk, holding hook in hand and just staring at one another, sickeningly making 'goo goo eyes' at each other. It was enough to give you a mouthful of cavities.  
            Hook, with his good hand, held the shorter man's hand close to his chest, caressing it with his index finger. "What was my life even worth before my little Rumple...."  
            "Oh, captain, my captain," Gold breathed out, "You certainly have shown me the meaning of.. twu wuv!"  
            "And so, the pirate fell in love with the crocodile," Killian declared as he laced his hook through one of Gold’s nipple rings, tugging at it, lovingly.  
            “Oo goo!" Rumplestiltskin cooed out as the ring was pulled.  
            Emma and Regina sat there, seemingly forgetting why they searched for them, their love enough to get others drunk on it. "Wow... I can't believe how strong their affection for each other is… it's really inspiring."  
            "It's all thanks to you, bae." Regina reminded her, a look of longing and pride in her eyes.  
            "Me?" Questioned the savior.  
            Just then, a swirl of gold flecked, black smoke appeared in the backseat then disappeared to reveal the ominous Rumplestiltskin. "But, of couwse!" He began, moving his arms quite frequently and rolling his R's –now W’s - when appropriate, as he spoke. "If you hadn't bwwwwoken the cuwse then none of us would be whewe we awe today!"  
            "That's my puddin'!" Regina proudly proclaimed, making goo goo eyes of her own at Emma.  
            "Oh, I love pudding! And do you know why?" Rumple riddled her that.  
            "Because you can't eat whole foods?" Emma sighed annoyingly, obviously hearing this before.  
            "That's cowwect! And do you know why?“ the tiny man queried.  
            They knew what was coming, though they humored him anyways. “No, Gold… Why?”  
            "Because I'm just a baby! EHH HEHEEHEE!" Gold laughed like the whinny of a horse before disappearing from the car and reappearing on the street corner.  
            "Where were you, my darling?" Asked a worried Hook, taking the man in his tight, loving embrace. "You know that every second we are apart is like one thousand years of agony!"  
            "Oh, just catching up with old fwiends." He told his beau, before sniffing the air. "Uh oh! Smells like someone needs a diapy change!"  
            "Oh, the fragrant waft of love. Shall we go back to my place?" Hook asked as he picked up the diaper clad man in his arms. Rumple clapped his hands, giddily, and loudly delivered that oh so familiar laughter before poofing away in a whirl of smoke.  
            “I still can’t believe Hook was foolish enough to leave a perfect 10, like you, for Gold." Regina admitted to her partner.  
            "Yeah, I'm pretty bangin', but I'm glad he did." Emma confessed, looking into her lover's eyes.  
            "You are?" Regina questioned her. “And why is that?”  
            "If they hadn't found their happy endings... we wouldn’t have found ours." Emma grabbed her hand and kissed the top of it as a nearby crowd all 'Awww'ed in unison. They looked over and saw Gold and Hook kissing as they poofed away, magically. Lost in the moment of true love in front of their eyes, they had forgotten to ask about Henry,  
            FUCK!" Emma shouted out, "We forgot to ask about Henry!"  
            “Shit!" Regina shouted out, though not as loudly, "I'll be right back." And she puffed away like a dank cloud escaping the rolled down window of a stoner's car. And as Regina had accidentally predicted, shit indeed, for when she appeared in Hook's bedroom, the single-handed buccaneer was changing the diaper of Gold, who was lying back on a man-sized changing table.  
            “Oh, what do you want, Regina? Can't you see we're busy?!" Rumple scowled at her before taking a lighter tone with Hook. "Uh oh, watch out for the elephant!"  
            "What elephant?" Regina asked, confused as ever. And without any other warning, Gold pissed in the face of his soul mate who had just finished trashing the soiled diaper.  
            Hook wiped his face. "I have spent many a'years out to sea. Weathered countless storms, and made it out of them, happy to know I would live to sail another day... But never am I happier then after one of 'my widdle Wumples' golden showers."  
            "Shut the fuck up." Regina said, urgently. "Where's Henry?"  
            Lying on his back, legs kicking like an infant's, Gold spoke seriously. "He asked me about treasure, blah blah, I sent him to Belle's."  
            "Thanks." and Regina poofed away as quickly as she had arrived.  
             Regina appeared back in the car just as Emma was finishing chewing off the nail of her big toe. She spit the clipping off into the street. "Well?"  
            "Gold sent him to Belle's." Regina told her.  
            "What? Why?" Emma asked.  
            "Well, who knows better about treasures then someone who gives theirs out every night?" And she buckled her seat belt, ready to pull out. "Let's go visit that whore!"  
            They drove to what was once the StoryBrooke Library, owned by Belle, which was now the StoryBrooke Strip Club/Brothel; 'The Happy Ending'. Belle was the highest paid prostitute and entrepreneur of her own business, making more money than even the mayor, herself. Everyone wanted to 'be her guest'.  
            They pulled up to The Happy Ending and even from the outside they could tell there was something special going on. Opening the door, they could feel the cold breeze and feel the thumping of music coming from within, the temperature dropping further the deeper then entered. Once they were past the curtain and into the main area where the stage and bar was, it was quite clear what was going on. Though it usually occurred during the winter months, this must have been the week that the sisters of Arendale: Anna and Elsa, were vacationing in StoryBrooke. Seeing as how often they frequented the club, they were always treated like the royalty they were.  
            The Happy Ending was openly known to be a multi-gendered strip club, many characters of fairy tales from all around the world frequented and worked there; from the likes of Mulan and Cinderella all the way to the twerking Ichabod Crane. From behind the bar, Gaston waved at them as they walked along the edge of the stage, wearing his usual crop top and pounds of body glitter. That's when Regina spotted him.  
            "Oh shit," she shouted to her girlfriend, over the music, "It's Jiminy. Let's go that way." And she pointed to a door at the back of the building. They were almost spotted by the one armed, bandaged Jiminy, who had a handful of cash and was very much distracted by the boney Ichabod on stage. Dressed as a scarecrow, he began to strip and perform his unique dance that could only be described as the definition of seduction. As he got on the furthest edge of the stage, thrusting his hips, his limp cock playfully slapped the cricket man in the face much to his delight.  
            They left the bright lights of the stage towards the much darker back of the building. An intimidating woman, with bright red hair that hung like tangled Spanish moss, was guarding the door with her arms crossed over her chest and wearing shades indoors like a boss. She waved them past and opened the door for them, allowing them access to the very exclusive VIP area.  
            Inside the dimly lit room sat Belle in her typical gold lace trimmed lingerie, and giving her a lap dance, in equally skimpy - though pale blue attire - was Anna. Her sister, Elsa, cheered on from the couch across the room, tequila bottle in hand. While on vacation, the tradition for Anna was always to perform, not to receive. Clearly drunk, her sister rambled on about how she was next.  
            While her back was turned to Belle, her ass firmly pressed against the Madame’s face, nose pressed against her b-hole, Anna gyrated her pelvis, and then suddenly spotted Emma and Regina. "Emma, Regina, it's been so long! How have you been?" She continued her dance as she spoke; only breaking eye contact when she turned back around.  
            "Anna, Elsa," Regina began, "So lovely to see the two of you. That time of year already?"  
            Anna was gripping Belle's hair, and had her pulled down to her crotch, furiously grinding it. "Thought we'd throw in an extra vacation."  
            "We keep a tight ship!" Elsa threw in from the side, with a bit too much gusto, knocking over a few empty bottles as she did.  
            "We need to talk to Belle," Emma said, taking her turn to speak.  
            Anna was now standing on the couch, spreading her legs to stand over Belle, who was looking up at the queen’s crotch. She poured a nearby glass of wine on her chest and allowed it to flow down to her panties, soaking them, then began tea bagging her forehead. After tamping the hostess' head she then grabbed what little fabric there was, and rung it out into Belle's awaiting mouth. She had successfully completed the Arendelle Spot of Tea.  
            Regina leaned over and spoke at full volume to Emma, "If I could, I would have you give me all of my drinks like that."  
            Anna then got off the couch and walked over to her sister and started dancing. Elsa gleefully accepted with a slap on the ass and a loud whooping. Belle then spoke up, wiping her mouth. "What can I do for you ladies?"  
            Feeling like it's their catch phrase, by now, Emma was the first to speak. "Have you seen Henry? Gold said he sent him here."  
            "Henry, yes, yes, of course!" She nodded, grabbing another wine glass and sipping from it. "He came in wanting to know-"  
            "Yes, yes, about the world’s greatest treasure!" Regina interrupted. "Same shit, different hour, we get it!"  
            "Sorry, she didn't have her lunch." Emma apologized.  
            "If you want, you can have anything from the bar." Belle offered.  
            "We would, but we really have to find Henry." Regina replied, looking a bit sullen. "Plus, there's Jiminy out there, and we had this kinda mishap with him, and it would just be awkward."  
            "Say no more." Belle clapped her hands and the firey haired security guard from outside the door walked in. "Merida, be a dear and take Jiminy outback for us, alright?" She nodded once in agreement then disappeared.  
            "Whoa, whoa!" Emma protested, holding up her hands. "We don't want you to kick his ass, we just thought maybe you could bring us some hot wings in here, or something."  
            "Oops!" Belle laughed and fell back into the seat, getting more comfortable. "So. Henry. He came in and he told me that Gold told him-" Regina was crossing her eyes and moving her hand like a mouth "Mah mah mah mah, get to the point, please?"  
            "I told him he needed to look into his heart to find what the most important thing to him was. That there was no greatest treasure, but only what we each regard it as. Only then, will his search be over." The room fell silent as Belle spoke, all eyes on her. From outside the walls you could hear the pounding of flesh and Jiminy screaming in the ally.  
            Emma broke the silence. "Well, did he say where he was going?"  
            "He said he was going home." Belle said.  
            Emma slapped Regina in the arm a few times, excitedly. "Let's go!" She said goodbye to the sisters, who were drunkenly making out and grinding on the couch, thanked Belle, and then made their way past the stage, where Gepetto was doing his famous puppet act. The act drew quite the crowd - a cult favorite at The Happy Ending. The elderly gentleman controls a triangle-shaped control bar and ties a string under and around the head of his penis, and wraps one around each testicle, and bounces them around for 45 minutes straight, while singing.  
            The two made it to their car and started driving towards their shared living space; the mayoral mansion. Regina decided to speak up with a little piece of trivia. “Belle may have more money than I do, but there's one area she hasn't bested me at. “  
            "What's that?" Emma asked the light of her life.  
            "Pussy destroying." Regina answered provocatively.  
            Emma laughed out. “Shut the fuck up! You’re making me moister then a brownie.”  
            “Well, when we get home, we’ll confirm Henry’s safety then we’ll go upstairs and take a visit to Fuck Town.” Regina informed that lesbian, propping her feet on the dashboard.  
            Emma reached over and held Regina’s hand, tenderly, and looked at her for a moment, her eyes pricked with tears, her voice a bit shaky. “I would like that, a lot.”  
            In that moment, the two looked at each other, but you should never take your eyes off the road! The next instance, Regina looked away briefly to see their son Henry was standing in the middle of the street. “EMMA, LOOK OUT!”  
            With the reaction time of a well trained officer of the law, Emma hit the brakes, screeching her tires. The sound could be heard by nearby residents and they ran to the scene to see what had happened. But when they got there, all they saw was. . .

TO BE CONTINUED.

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it to the end; Thanks! This is the first of, hopefully, many fanfics I will make. Feel free to give constructive criticisms or whatever. IF you like it enough, please consider sharing/linking it!


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